I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
