The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
