i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
