I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
