sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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