Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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