meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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