you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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