So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
