i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
