only you would photoshop your dick
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
