Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize
