I want to stick my p in your. b.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Randomize
