if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
