my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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