I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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