Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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