i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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