dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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