question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
