just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize