I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
