His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
