Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
