There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
