i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
