I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
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If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
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I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize