Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
