Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
