he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
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