To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
