He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
