I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
