I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
