and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
