barbara walters just said penis...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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