Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
