I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This is my gift to your gina
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
