he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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