Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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