you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
