he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
