I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
