Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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