I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
