The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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