I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
That accounts for only three of the penises
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
