Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
