Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
