STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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