dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
