dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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