just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
