i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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