my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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