it was like his penis was on wheels.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
did i walk over a car last night?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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