plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
