one two three fourrrrnication!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
