they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
