you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
