i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
