shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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