My room smells like vodka and shame
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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