I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
