You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
