He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
