She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
