My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
