you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
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you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
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The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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